Wednesday, December 31, 2014
A pair of beautiful butterfly
Yay, just now mummy saw you as we went down the hill from our house.. You look so free and beautiful.. Mummy miss you so much..
Celebration for end of 2014
Yay yay, without you mummy had no mood in celebrating end of 2014 or any other celebration.. Life just seem in complete without you here. Hoping you give mummy a without a doubt sign to show you are around mummy.. Missing you
Last day of 2014
2014, had marked my worst year of all my 37 years of loving. It all begin with a wonderful news whereby both mummy and daddy agree for preparation to conceive you and to welcome our third child that is you Jay Yay into our life.
Mummy was so happy that daddy finally was ready to have you as our third baby after so many years. Mummy was also looking forward to having you join the family and bring joy to all of us.. And this time to be more prepare to breast feed you for longer period.
Mummy even look into getting a better breast pump to help express more milk for you when mummy go back to work. Mummy was also looking forward to have three month leave to stay home with you and your two brothers..
Mummy was looking forward to have you born into this world on the 6 oct. But you had decided not to come out till 13 October whereby the doctor had to induce mummy so that mummy can start labour and give birth to you. On 14 October you joined us and for the first time mummy saw, feel and touch you on my chest. The feeling was wonderful to have you out of mummy's tummy to feel you and hold you on mummy's chest.
Mummy was so surprised that you weight 4.17 kg and how mummy was able to give birth to you naturally. Mummy was so happy and relieved when you came out and wanting to rest. Though you were a healthy boy therefore mummy took the chance to rest and let you rest..
Mummy am still very sorry that mummy didn't notice you were having difficulty in breathing and how you had turned blue. Mummy didn't get much chance to hold you and kiss you.. And you had to be admitted to SCBU.
For 13 days you struggled to keep your life, mummy appreciated it. But also at the same time hurt for you for you had to suffer so much at this very young age.
On 27 October, when dr Elizabeth say you are not responding to the medication and we are going to lose you.. Mummy felt so sad and hurt and don't want to let you go.. This is the saddest thing that had happened and mummy's life changed from that moment onwards.
Yay yay, till today mummy still hurt when I think of you. Wishing that you were here everyday as life are not the same without you..
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Monday, December 29, 2014
Sunday, December 28, 2014
Saturday, December 27, 2014
Broke down again
Yay, mummy broke down and cry again. Cannot stop feeling sad and missing you. Wishing you were here..
Just read a post in the Facebook, it really say what mummy felt in the heart.. Sometimes it is very hard for mummy to act normal when my heart is so broken. How to be normal when you are never going to be here.. Mummy love you
Friday, December 26, 2014
It's so unfair
Yay, it's so unfair that everyone is counting how many months their babies are and mummy are here counting how many months you left us...
Till today it just felt like it was yesterday that you had left... Mummy miss you very much till words cannot describe..
2 months passed
Two months ago today, you chose your wing and fly to heaven.. It had been a sad two months for mummy.. For you were not there... Mummy can only feel sad without you here with us.. Missing you always my beloved baby Jay Yay.. Mummy love you..
Thursday, December 25, 2014
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
My wish for Christmas
My wish for this Christmas is to have my Jay yay to be beside me.. So that I can take care of him and love him more everyday.. Pls grant my wish mr Santa Claus
Merry Christmas my baby
Merry Christmas my baby yay yay.
Today is Christmas Eve. If you were here we would be bringing you out for shopping or going to a party to celebrate Christmas. But because you fly to the sky therefore there was no mood for mummy to celebrate this event..
My Jay Yay, mummy really missed you. Wishing you were here. Since the day you left.. Mummy had not been happy at all.. Every day passed with sadness with mummy.. How mummy wish you were here.. Why it had to be you.. Why why why... Till today we still don't know why you had problem with your lung... Is it because of mummy that caused you this problem.. Mummy wish that mummy can go back in time so that mummy can do something to stop all these... Stop you from going away.. Made sure that you are healthy.. So that mummy can love you, take care of you, be with you... How you expect mummy to go on with life without you...
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
What are you doing?
Baby yay, this morning mummy went to meet some friends who wish to invest their money. So while morning was busy. This afternoon mummy did so much w
But was thinking about you the whole time. Wishing you were here for mummy to hug and kiss and love you..
Monday, December 22, 2014
Sunday, December 21, 2014
Friday, December 19, 2014
Thursday, December 18, 2014
妈咪心里很辛苦
宝贝，妈咪心里很辛苦。很难过。很想放下一切。全部事情都做不好，你哥哥们都不开心，你爸爸也很难过也很不开心。妈咪做的不够好，让每个人都这么痛苦。你也是觉得妈咪不够好所以你要离开妈咪对吧。妈咪每天都很不高兴。有时候觉得时间很难过。有时候觉得很想时间快点过去。这样怎么样活下去。。烨烨，你可以回到妈咪的身边吗？
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
妈咪的烨烨
烨烨，妈咪又想你了。妈咪又忍不住又哭了。妈咪想起那天妈咪是多么辛苦的把你生下来，才在短短的几个小时你就出事了。妈咪都没把你抱紧你就要去SCBU了。妈咪想起就很心痛。
今天妈咪看到了蝴蝶，是你来看妈咪。妈咪看到那蝴蝶很开心。妈咪好想抱抱你。
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
想念你
妈咪的可爱宝贝，妈咪又想你了。had been traveling the whole day, but mummy still cannot sleep coz thinking about you. Wish you are here with mummy..
Missing u
Yay, u miss mummy? U thinking about mummy? Mummy miss you and thinking about you my precious yay yay every minute.
Morning my precious
Morning my precious, mummy n daddy on our way down miri. All the way down mummy keep looking at the cloud. Saw some clouds look which made me think of you.. Missing you
Monday, December 15, 2014
Check up
Baby Yay, today mummy went for check up. And the nurse starting asking about you then mummy started to break into tears.. I still cannot control my feeling and whenever they talk about you I will start to cry.. Am so heart broken without you with me here. Missing you every seconds
Sunday, December 14, 2014
Seeing other people's baby
It hurt when mummy see other mummy holding their babies as it remind me of you.. Missing you so much and wishing you were here with mummy
Saturday, December 13, 2014
蓝蓝的天
烨烨，妈咪的宝贝。
今天，天气很好。蓝蓝的天。妈咪望住天空在想妈咪的宝贝烨烨在天空上一定很快心。妈咪希望宝贝你开开心心的在你那里。妈咪也要开开心心的面对生活。可是这不代表妈咪会忘了你。烨烨，你永远都是妈咪的宝贝。妈咪天天都会想妈咪的宝贝。
妈咪等那一天妈咪可以跟烨烨再见面。
Happy Two Month olds in Heaven
Happy two month olds in Heaven my angel Jay Yay. You will always be in mummy heart and nothing and no one can replace your position in mummy's heart. Loving and thinking about you every day. Wishing you were here so mummy can hug and kiss you. Till we meet again my baby, mummy love you forever
烨烨
烨烨，妈咪很想抱抱你。想给你一个吻。妈咪又很伤心了，你知道吗？因为你在很远很远的地方。妈咪不知道你几时还跟妈咪在见面。妈咪知道你在妈咪身边可是妈咪看不到你，动不到你，疼不到你。你知道吗？天天看到你俩个哥哥们在一起玩多摸希望你也在这可以让他们来疼爱你和你一起玩。妈咪天天都觉得心很空，因为你没有在妈咪的身边。
今天妈咪没有哭，可是现在想起你妈咪心里开始又难过起来。又开始滴眼泪。你为什么要走的这么快？为什么你不能留下来？为什么是你？为什么？为什么？妈咪知道你还很小不能跟妈咪说。你有长大了吗？如果你还在，你就俩个月大了。我的宝贝，妈咪很想念你。你在哪里，我的宝贝。
Friday, December 12, 2014
宝贝
我的宝贝烨烨。what are you doing today? Saw your pictures of your palm taken by you daddy, reminded me how small your hand were. Mummy missed you so much.. Wishing you were here so I can hug and kiss your face
Thursday, December 11, 2014
Looking for signs
Mummy is lying down on the bed looking out of our windows looking for sign from you. Hoping that you are close by so mummy can feel you and know your present here.. Please let me hold you again in my arm and kiss you face.. Missing you..
My life without you
Mummy was looking through your pictures.. Only a few pictures.. Mummy regretted not having more pictures of you and mummy together.. Mummy missed the moments that mummy can touch your face, your soft skin and hold you small tiny hands.. Missing the moments with you my handsome jay yay.. If you were here you will be almost two month old in another two days.. Mummy missed you so much I think words can express how I feel... Baby pls come back to mummy that is all mummy wish..
Morning my baby
Morning my baby, yesterday mummy drank too much so woke up with headache and vomiting and stomach gastric. Just felt like drinking to forget the pain and hope that all of these was a dream and hoping to wake up with you beside me. This bad dream just never end. And the pain of missing you get stronger every day... I don't know how long can I hold on with this pain in my heart. Wishing that you be here with mummy. Every time mummy think of you, tears would just came pouring down my eyes and mummy's heart will burn with pain... When would you come back to me....
Yay Yay
Yay, where are you now? Yesterday mummy lost control and cried a few times when thinking about you not being here. Today mummy is very tired so slept the whole afternoon, so didn't have time to write to you. How are you? What are you doing? Where are you? These are questions mummy like to ask you but you not here to answer. Yay mummy really missed you.. When can you come back to mummy?? This is a question that mummy always asked. How I wish that you would come back to mummy.. That's mummy's wish everyday..
Is it possible for you to return to mummy's side??? I really hope that it would happen...
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
You didn't come to my dream
Yay Yay, why didn't you come to mummy's dream yesterday. Mummy had been waiting for you all night. Am so heartbroken that you did not come to mummy's dream
Talk to mummy
Yay yay where are you? Can you please come and talk to mummy, show mummy you are around-
Any sign will do.. Pls come n see mummy. Mummy miss and love you
Monday, December 8, 2014
Sunny day
Outside is very sunny and yet mummy's heart felt very cold and hurting.. Mummy's world is dark and cloudy unlike the sun outside the window.. My precious yay yay where are you now? Are you around mummy? Are you re born in another family, are you happy, are you growing up, are you healthier, are you being taken care of, are there people there to take care of you when mummy cannot be there? There are so many things mummy wish that mummy can do for you.. Mummy promised to take care of you and love you but was not given the chance to do that.. What I would do just to hold you now..
Where are you, my Jay Yay
Jay Yay, where are you now? Are you close by to mummy? Mummy missed you. Wishing you were here so I can hug you close to my heart.. Missing you very much.. Mummy heart hurt not having you here... Can you show or give mummy some sign that you are close by.
Visit with Dr Elizabeth
Yay Yay, this morning mummy and daddy went for a visit to see DR Elizabeth, remember her? She was the doctor that was looking after and treated you during your stay at SCBU. She explained that what you had was a very rare disease and couldn't be detected before your birth. They also cannot conclude why it happened as they didn't manage to do the biopsy. We decided to reject the biopsy on you as we thought you had already suffered a lot during your stay here.
They had did their best to save you but I guess that God just needed you more therefore had taken you away from us. It really hurt mummy thinking about you and who you will be growing up to be..missing you dearly and loving you always. My little precious Jay Yay.
Sunday, December 7, 2014
妈咪心很痛，也很累
有时候妈咪觉得很累，很难过不知道怎么过这个人生。天天问自己为什么这种事情会发生在我们的身上。为什么你不能留下来。为什么每个人都可以有他们的宝宝在身边，可是妈咪的烨烨就不能在妈咪身边。为什么？
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